Never one to content myself with writing about a local quirk/pet peeve just once, I have canvassed the sprawling metropolis of Anchorage, Alaska and surrounding areas for the most glorious use of blue tarps, bound to induce feelings of civic pride within any resident of this 49th state. Now knowing I couldn’t possibly do this on my own, I enlisted tarp scouts to track down this brightly hued but sometimes elusive polyethylene beast. (First, do yourself a favor and brush up on my fascinating account of the magnetism blue tarps exert upon those carrying a Y chromosome.)
So look on, if you dare, but don’t blame me for various diseases of the eye and mind that may occur as a result….
There’s A Partridge wintering in there, And A Pear Tree, too, I just know it. I’m half expecting an astronaut to walk out the door: “Houston, we have a problem….” (There is a Houston, Alaska, and this ponderosa wasn’t ten miles down the road from that fair town. I call that irony.)
Two Turtle Doves. Or maybe one RV and one woodpile?
Three Feet Over the Property Line.
Four Lolling Boats. The nicest one gets a tarp?
Five Ashen Cinderblocks. (My imagination seems to be running out of steam here, but they’re not golden now, are they?)
Six Tarps A-Laying?
Seven Swans A-Swimming, but not ‘till spring and the (rare and shy) brown tarp is removed.
Eight Frayed Neighborly Relations.
Maybe they have Nine Ladies Dancing in there. A little privacy, please….
Ten (thousand) Boards A-Sleeping.
Eleven Pipes Crumbling. OK, it’s a column. Our city is in a bit of a budget crunch, so those much needed repairs are camouflaged Alaska style. Fancy, isn’t it?
Twelve Summers Sitting (there.)
So you see, no matter how bad it is, any situation can be made even worse with the addition of a blue tarp. I’d like to thank my unsuspecting neighbors here in Anchorage and a few choice residents of the Mat-Su valley for their inspiration (and unwitting participation) in my Tarp Roundup this year. Keep buying those blue tarps and spreading that blue tarp love around!
Is there anything more noticeable than a blue tarp? I just want to know why blue?