Sunday, February 18, 2018

February is not my favorite month

Cold and stunted hemlock near Flattop mountain

Not least because I am on a very restrictive diet per my doctor’s orders. (Something about a strict diet makes me grouchy.) No sweets on Valentine’s Day was a blow, and no chocolate on my anniversary in a few days will be tough. And every morning looking at the bread and bagels and muffins and turning away…let’s say I’m getting rather sick of grapes and nuts and water for breakfast. No, February is brutal because it is cold and dark.

This year seems especially cold. I wear a coat and sometimes a hat in my house. This is in addition to the sweater and slippers and wool socks. With that kind of indoor getup, I feel like I should be chopping wood, hollering at the kids to put the kettle on, and calling my husband “Pa.”

We have chickens, so going outside is mandatory, especially on those really cold mornings to check on their water to make sure it’s not frozen, heated waterer notwithstanding. In 6 degrees, it’s no joke to pull gloves off to collect eggs and chisel ice off the chicken water. I’m very happy to run back to the heated house after that, in fact, in my haste once or twice, I have fallen.

I really wanted to attend the Northwest Flower and Garden Show in Seattle this month for a dose of green sights and smells (and heat), but that didn’t happen. So I’ve had to settle for green fantasies on the internet. Googling “new American prairie” or my favorite nurseries has become a lifeline. Also, making a to-do list has helped distract me. Nothing like a long list of chores to dispel gloomy thoughts…hmm, maybe not.

So here we go. My list of things to do this spring (if spring ever does come to this forsaken wilderness that is Alaska):

1. Get a potting table built by the resident engineer. He has assured me this is possible, but demands dimensions. I say “about this big by this big” (gesturing with my hands) but that is not (I report from years of experience) the way an engineer’s brain works. Exact dimensions for computer-aided rendering are required. I suck on my teeth and muse whether a chalk outline on the driveway will be sufficient.

Deschampsia, a parent of thousands

2. Pot up all that rubbish growing in the gravel walkway through the garden. I’m looking at you Deschampsia seedlings. And you too, precious, wonderful Elymus magellanicus sprouts. I think I have some Penstemon that has seeded around I could pot up as well. Which justifies all those black plastic pots I have stacked up, I guess.

Less to mow

3. Sod ripping. I regret to say this is on the list. I am tired of trying to mow the turf up a tricky steep patch in the front lawn. No more, it’s coming out. For a run down from the last sod ripping debacle, see here. I wish I could say “been there, done that” with finality, but it seems we will be doing that again. Big sigh and mental note to remember to wear back belt for support this time. This is a task that helps a gardener remember their advancing age. Phooey.

Hummingbirds love Lamium

4. Attract as many hummingbirds as possible. I have become the crazy garden lady with a fetish. I think I’ve gotten the same hummer stopping by the last day or two of July and first few days of August for the last two years. I figure it’s filling up the tank before starting on the big migration back southward to Arizona or Mexico or wherever it hangs out most of the year. Step one, plant a bunch of things hummers like. Check. Step two, hang a sugar water feeder, check. Step three, for this summer, plant even more things hummingbirds like. Which aligns nicely with number 5.

Shopping: gardener's edition

5. Buy more plants. I know I don’t have to explain this to most gardeners. On the list, a rose (request from my daughter, who asked for a “real rose,” not the rugosa types I have planted now. Explaining the realities of moose a ’munching hasn’t convinced her that this request is unreasonable), more Penstemon (I can never have too many), another try at Monarda (while uttering a prayer to banish mildew), and maybe a blue poppy (Meconopsis).

I wonder how many of these items I will accomplish and how many will be banished/procrastinated to another year or season. I still have many weeks to think about it. Spring arrives late here: April in a good year. So here’s to internet garden dreams and doodling on a sketch pad until then.

Got any black plastic nursery pots stacked up in a corner? What’s on your spring to-do list?

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Save some resolve for the garden, would you?


Sunset in Alaska

Not all my New Year’s Resolutions are for the mind, body, and money pit that is my home. I have some for the garden, too. In no particular order, here they are.

1. Put some edging in. I am getting tired of the “dance of the edging tool,” performed by yours truly, every year. Sometimes the dance is a long one, other times only a few egregiously encroaching feet of turf grass are whittled away and tossed into the compost pile or at a nearby brushy spot in the yard.

This year, in a burst of energy, the dance took me out of the garden and down the sides of my driveway. I have regained quite a bit of drive space. It’s amazing how tough grass is, growing right over and into the asphalt.

2. Prune those competing central-leader branches on the spruce trees the former homeowner planted. Of course they are over ten feet in the air and require a ladder. And have you ever leaned into a spruce tree? Those things are mean. They scratch me every time I mow the lawn around them.

What I would really love to do is to cut down that very blue spruce that they planted. It is just there with no rhyme or reason amongst the green spruce. I don’t have a prejudice against the color blue on a spruce tree, and have grown several blue semi-dwarf varieties at my last garden. It’s just eye-catching when/where it shouldn’t be.

3. Plant some trees. I’m thinking some tall ones in scale with my house. We need some more privacy from the street. When the neighbors’ dog takes a dump in my lawn, I want to be surprised by it.

There is no fun at all in knowing which beast did the deed because you just witnessed the cheeky devil relieve himself from the living room window. I get to speculate based on size of droppings, distance from road, and whether it’s firm/crusty/mushy. Points awarded if I step in it while mowing the lawn.

4. Grow some herbs and other goodies for the ladies. We have three amusing, disgusting, lovable, productive, fluffy chickens. They love watermelon and will take one down to the very rind but those don’t grow so well here. Carrots and potatoes do well here, but our chickens don’t love them. Hmm, what do grow?

To stave off chicken obesity and just because she wants to, my kid takes them on walks in a harness and leash for small dogs. Some chickens enjoy this more than others, or at least, some can run faster and escape from the prospect of being a spectacle. Cars have stopped in the street to watch. Our “pet dogs with feathers” deserve a home-grown treat or two. We’ll see what I come up with.

I did start this list with two items and seem to be adding and adding so I’d better wrap it up. I don’t want to get overloaded with projects outside. Nothing kills resolutions faster than apathy, right? Or is it injury? For me, the real fun is still just being in my garden, whether with a shovel or a lemonade, it’s all good. Happy New Year!

What needs doing in your garden? And will you do it in 2017?

Monday, October 31, 2016

Apocalypse now…or at least by November 9


Image result for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Last Frontier Gardener checking in here. The kids are all telling me that the country won’t last beyond the next election. Mayhem, violence, government overthrow, you name it. I’m also reading about my fellow Americans’ opinions on our descent into doom, deviancy, and destruction. People across the land shaking their heads, clicking their tongues, and stocking up the pantry and/or gun cabinet.

Poor America, having to choose between Candidate Baggage and Candidate More Baggage. Or is it Candidate No Way and Candidate No How? But, I reassure myself, every country has its troubles, right? Right?? I don’t remember feeling quite this despondent about voting before, my thought processes running thus, “that one I’d just have to wince and hold my nose and check the box, the other one I’d gag and maybe throw up a little in my mouth.”

Perhaps a write-in campaign is in order. I’ve heard/read that, too. But whom to pencil in? I say it doesn’t matter, it couldn’t be worse than what we already have (cough, Congress, cough). You all know I love lists, so here is my top ten list to give comfort to those who fear this election may result in The End of America.

(Ten Reasons Why) America Will (Probably) Still Be Standing After Elections on November 8…

1. …because they both can’t win. We only have to have one of them as president.

2. …because we don’t have to feel bad for the loser. Speaking fees and book offers will no doubt cushion the blow, and righteous indignation will be theirs forever.

3. …because Alaska, at least, is probably safe from any looting/armed takeovers, despite high population of impulsive/reckless persons (according to my made-up statistics, 63.4% of Alaska’s population is made up of hotheads). It’s too cold out for that nonsense. It was icy and about 25F today. Stay home and watch World War Z in your flannel pajamas instead, ok?

4. …so we can all enjoy the sound of silence; the robocalls will stop. Praise the Lord.

5. …because we are a forgetful people when it comes to politics. Or maybe it’s pragmatic, or apathetic. Whatever! We will all be able to enjoy Thanksgiving on November 24, without Grandma creaming Uncle Joe with the gravy boat or Cousin Right Wing spearing Cousin Left Wing with the turkey fork. At least for reasons related to which bubble on the ballot to shade. Long-standing family vendettas and grudges, rage on!

6. …because I’m told The End will be ushered in by 4 Horseman. If we can but keep Newt Gingrich off a horse, I think we’re safe.

7. …because I predict, in cooperation with Homeland Security, will have a big online promo November 9 to keep everyone distracted.

8. …because I still haven’t seen the last Hobbit movie. I refuse to participate in an Apocalypse until I know what happens to Bilbo.

9. …because we owe too much money to China. They are never gonna let us get away with some phony-baloney bankruptcy due to civil war.

10. …because it’ll be a Wednesday. Everyone knows The End will come on a Monday, it’s the worst day of the week.

Don’t worry, my fellow Americans. It’ll all be over soon (or is that, it’ll all be over in four years when we have to do this again?). As for the rest of you lucky readers in other countries, enjoy a Trump-less, Clinton-less November.


What are you looking forward to after Election Day?


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