My husband suggested I write about Tebow mania. “You’re not being helpful!” I retorted. Moments before, fresh out of garden related topics (don’t judge me, I have no garden right now), I had unwisely turned to the other half for ideas. I get “football, thermometer, mouse corpses,” and big surprise “write about nothing. Like Seinfeld.” What am I supposed to do with those ideas? Other than increase my reputation for odd, off-topic writing.
Another, rather better idea is finally offered. “Write The Gardening Handbook for Alaskans, or was it The Kid’s Coloring Book?” OK, you twisted my arm, here is the outline of my magnum opus in rough form:
1. your soil is poorly drained
2. the moose and bears and rabbits eat your plants
3. your growing season is short
4. it won’t grow, overwinter, flower, or ripen
Do you think I can retire on the proceeds of this handbook? Though upon reflection, a 3 x 5 card would be more cost effective than a whole handbook for four tips. In fact, school children could memorize these four simple pointers and the reality of gardening in our state would be ingrained from an early age.
“So you see, children, successful cultivation of rutabagas clearly violates principle number four and we mustn't be bitter.”
I am being counseled from across the room to include the pros with the cons lest I sound cynical. Oh, ok, fine!
1. summer days last almost all night
2. relatively few introduced pests and diseases
3. cool season vegetables can grow to prodigious size, see my post here
4. something will come to me, but a blank for now
What I need are two 3x5 flashcards and a couple of pages of blank paper on which to draw a few sketches of moose eating peonies or rabbits eating primulas and shazam! A handbook AND coloring book in one. Let it not be said that the Last Frontier Gardener is out of ideas. Anything but that.
Next week: Tebow lost out to a garden topic today, but will he win next week’s writer’s block?
How would the garden handbook from your area read?