Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Stupid things we’ve all done

OK, fine.  Stupid things only I would dream of doing.  Have you ever pondered a current or recently taken avenue in life and decided, upon reflection, you should have turned left rather than right?  Or better yet, exited the vehicle all together and ridden your bicycle?  And maybe, just maybe, your wrong turn becomes another and then another.  No, this post isn’t going to turn into an episode of Lost or Guiding Light, but sometimes I can’t believe the dumb things I do.

Exhibit A:

fall 001

Surely the most damning of the evidence, I put my house up for sale on the same day I hosted a benefit garden tour for the botanical garden this summer. 

The Last Frontier Gardener was merely trying to hit her target market for a home sale but ended up having to turn people away at the door that wanted to walk through.  To be fair, my sign did say “By appointment only.”  Did that stop them?  Said my sister in law apologetically at the door, “Uh, she’s kinda busy right now in the garden.  Sorry.  But give her a call later.”  I can’t blame them.  If you did a drive-by of a home for sale and saw scads of people flocking towards it (for the garden tour) you might be forgiven for mistaking it for the biggest Open House of all time.  Dumb.

I’m not even going to mention the difficulty of getting the house and garden into shape by the same day.  I will say a few primal screams and silent inner screams were involved.  That and a lot of Windex.

Exhibit B:

fair 059

Not entering the garden for a month and expecting to harvest vegetables that aren’t supporting three generations of pests or have gone to seed.

After above mentioned tour, I abandoned the garden (was it resentment?) for a month.  Be merciful, readers, it was raining (see above pic).  Every day.  In fact, we have had a record breaking streak of rainy days this summer, so I hope to be forgiven for not being thrilled about the outdoors for the month of August.

It was just as bad as you’d expect.  Everything was riddled in holes and slug poo.  My celery had turned into a high rise slug tenement.  It was rather unsavory washing so many slimy bodies off and having to scrub the celery so hard to get all slug digestion remnants off for dinner.  Stew anyone?  I’ve abandoned the remaining two celery plants to their fate.  The beans are goners and the cabbages are barely salvageable.

Exhibit C:

fall 002

I agreed to let a photographer/horticulturist come out to the garden for some shots this month for a future presentation on fall interest, (an obscure, if not dubious subject in the minds of many Alaskan gardeners).  You think I would be able to plan ahead by this time in my life.  Nope.  About thirty minutes before she came, a whirlwind of raking, weeding, pruning, and snarling in the back yard.  I hope she didn’t notice that giant dandelion in the front yard.  Ho hum. 

Did I mention the slugs have had free reign the last month?  The Hosta, Ligularia, and veggies are Swiss cheese.  The only thing looking particularly good is the aforementioned dandelion.  The weather has transitioned from rainy to threat of snowy.  Apathy has me in a chokehold.  And I still have to clean the house for a prospective buyer tonight.  Which means I’d better think about getting that Windex out again.   Sheesh.

Done anything stupid?


  1. Wow. Sounds like you need a long hot bath with soothing music and a good long nap. One person who's advice I read re: getting/keeping your house clean (I'm not good at it) says if all else fails, invite people over. THEN you will fly into a cleaning panic and LO, See the Broom Fly (and in your case Shears Sing). I always like my house best when people are visiting/just before a party. =)

  2. Of course I have done stupid things. I hate to admit it, but telling the tree trimmers that I wanted some mulch and it turned out to be a bunch of pine needles, instead of mulch. And it was on my property for weeks, an ugly horrible pile of ready to ignite pile needles. That's just ONE thing.

  3. Great post!! And yes, I do stupid things all the time. My little ones are apple tree obsessed at the moment, and I keep smacking myself in the forehead going 'I really shouldn't have chopped ours down a few years ago!!!' Good luck with the house sale, I think it was excellent timing, a garden tour visitor could have fallen in love and bought it on the spot. :)

  4. You are leaving the Frontier Garden. I hope it is for the better in your life.
    We all have done those things that we wonder 'what was I ever thinking' LOL!
    I hope the buyer loves your place and good luck.

  5. Oh, too funny. Yes, I try to do something pretty stupid each and every day. (I'd hate to fall out of practice.) Now, where have I been? You're selling? You're moving? I don't remember reading about this, though I've been awol for awhile. Where ya going? Any place cool?

  6. Oh well, it was a terrible summer. Good luck on selling the house. There is some nice land for sale in Willow right now if you're interested.

  7. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Good luck with everything!

  8. I could get many examples of stupidity if I only asked my DB. I am sure he has a running list of such flashes of ignorance. Good luck selling your home. I hope you have a place picked out with a large area to garden in.

  9. That's why I'm a landscape design expert. Have made every mistake before everyone else. Still making mistakes in an effort to keep ahead.

    Being stubborn, and an optimist, aren't always good in a garden.

    Garden & Be Well, XO Tara

  10. Good grief! But thankfully you survived as did your sense of humor. Good luck with your sale ... where are you headed?

  11. I've been telling people that ask me where we're moving to, "a cardboard box in your backyard. Do you mind?" Humor aside, we are trying to stay in the same area (Hillside) of Anchorage, but we'll see....


  12. Doing stupid things? Honey, I _invented_ doing stupid things. ;-)

  13. I've locked my keys into my car more times than I want to admit. Twice I had to pay $75 to a tow truck driver to break into the car. ... Good luck with your house sale.

  14. ha, brilliant..definately a long hot bath therapy is needed...good luck!

  15. You must be in denial about leaving that garden. Good luck with selling and finding a place you can garden in just as well. Yes, I do dumb things all the time - the older I get the more frequently, just ask my children. BTW, you might consider NOT having hostas at your new place, because of the slugs I mean.

  16. Everybody seems to be very sympathetic about all these various bits of disorganisation but omit the obvious: Where are you moving to?
    I am going to be very cross if you move to another state as you are the only person who I (virtually) know who lives in Alaska.
    Who will tell us about tarpaulins, perma frost and fur trapping fairs if not you?
    Please don't move to Florida and take up wearing loud shorts (sterotyping alert) and pastel jogging tops.
    Stay in the tundra among the bugs, bears, 90foot snowdrifts and skidoos.

  17. Christine, Garden apathy. Yep. I hear ya. I would have made the Exhibit A mistake having never put a house on the market. I'm kind of apathetic indoors too. Clean yes, but I figure if the people want pristine they should probably go elsewhere.

    Thank you for your honesty. I could probably write a book of snafus if I were half as honest.

  18. @James A-S
    I am moving to (drumroll please)...I have no idea. No further than five miles from the current abode, so no Bermuda shorts involved. Said the Walrus to the Carpenter: "The time has come [for a bigger garden]."


  19. Thanks for a good chuckle. I think you and I get our karma or kismet or whatever from the same cereal box.


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