Five ways to know it’s pseudo spring

Yes, this is in retaliation for all those enjoying bona fide spring, not some false, perverse tease of mother nature before she dumps the next blizzard on us.  You all know I live in Alaska, right?  Good, I’m glad we cleared that up.  Hopefully, that will make you more forgiving, or at least, less inclined to notice the largish chip on my shoulder.

1. It’s only April, fool!  Long time Alaskans, called sourdoughs, will scoff at the newbie Alaskans (called cheechakos, no laughs from the peanut gallery now) assumption that a thaw in March/April means spring.  So sorry little greenhorn, that’s nature clowning again. 

2. Where’d the sidewalk go?  Mostly it’s under snow, still buried like my design hopes, tender green dreams, and any bulbs the previous owner may have planted at my new home.  Yeah, I doubt he planted any bulbs either, but this being fake spring, I’m hopeful.  You weren't planning on busting the sandals out for a little stroll, now were you?  Boots are still the wise choice.

3. Still no leaves. Don’t even think about the “s” word until the birch leaves are the size of…well, any size will do.  For now, they are still encased and in denial, as am I.

4. Subtle scent of dog poop. If it were actual spring, the odor would be as gentle as a moose being chased by a dog, as elusive as the scent of that milk you spilled in the car yesterday.
   
5. Kids under five are still sporting full-body winter armor.  You can hear them before you see them, swit, swit, swit.  I feel sorry for the little blighters.  Just try getting to the toilet in a hurry when you are encased in fluff, zippers, and snaps.  Snowsuits mean it’s not spring. 


Are you waiting for something impatiently?