Wednesday, November 20, 2013

I won the lottery

You’re thinking I’m being symbolic, right? Stay tuned. Meanwhile, a few important points of the past November in Alaska. I don’t say this is the worst November ever, because I’m an optimist. It could always be worse. But I think everything has suffered in comparison since my October jaunt to Florida.

my view for a week in Florida in October

1. November 1. Get into car accident on freeway. Airbags are deployed, thankfully not tempers. At least the kids are ok.

2. November 3. The kids are not ok: discover they have head lice. 

3. November 7. The fruits of my gambling career (with thanks to my octogenarian grandfather for showing me the ropes) that began on October 9 of this year: I fill out lottery winnings paperwork and send off to the great state of Florida. Envelope must be addressed to “Florida Lottery, Claims Processing.” As I write this address on the envelope my expectations of a payout dwindle. Just who, may I ask, upon seeing this envelope, would not be seized by an irresistible desire to rip it open?

Further contributing to my doubts, the back of the lottery ticket reads: “The risk of mailing ticket remains with the player,” which serves the dual purpose of covering theft by post office employee, lottery employee, loss of mail, or even act of God. A neat bit of work from the same breed of lawyer that crafted “do not eat raw batter” printed on the back of the cake mix box. Pfui!

4. November 8. I am talked out of seeing “Ender’s Game” at the movie theater and instead watch “Gravity”. I should have known better. Any movie that kills off George Clooney can’t be good. Nearly lose my dinner during the first twenty minutes eighty minutes. After Sandra Bullock lands in the water and floats to the top, my first thought was, “What, no shark?” closely followed by my second thought, “At least I’ll die on Earth.” If you get sick on boats, do not see this movie. You’re welcome.

5. November 9. I cheat Mother Nature and transplant three bits of Calamagrostis ‘Eldorado’ to the front garden. Weather is unseasonably warm in the 40’s (Fahrenheit).

6. November 12. Mother Nature doesn’t take kindly to cheaters. Things freeze and no snow.

7. November 15. After the whole house is laundered, wiped down, vacuumed, etc., and two hours minimum spent every day combing through hair, I am now an expert on lice. All this close grooming feels a little chimpanzee-like with the possible exceptions of the headlamp and tweezers. And no one eats the findings.

8. November 18. At 8:02am, I hear something so dreadful and shocking, I mentally curse the radio station that airs it. In future, let’s save “Jingle Bells” for after Thanksgiving (November 28), shall we? Boo on Magic 98.9FM in Anchorage. For my mental health, the radio in my car will now be at the classical music station until December 26, the official (at this blog anyway) Auditory Sanity Reclamation Day.

9. November 19. I had a chance to note the time for this milestone as well. At 8:09 am, it was –15F. Which would be well and good if this were January or northern Greenland.

 

I know you are all wondering if I am going to quit this cold country and retire with my Powerball lottery winnings to some warm, louse-free place, so I will set your mind at ease. I won $11. Which would be more impressive if the tickets hadn’t cost me $10. I wonder what delights December will bring?

 

Seen any movies? Christmas tunes in the air?

6 comments:

Lisa at Greenbow said...
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What a month you have had. The lice alone would do me in. I hope you get some snow. I have seen on tv that the Ididrod Mushers were training for no snow as there is none to train on. Sounds strange to me.

Sue Garrett said...
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And here was I thinking you had scooped the jackpot! Maybe next time eh?

Tara Dillard said...
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You've won a better lottery. Being able to laugh about it all !!

XO T

GRACE PETERSON said...
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Congratulations on your winnings. Being in sunny Florida was your REAL jackpot, right?

Car accident on the freeway couldn't have been good. I'm glad you and the kids are okay. How is the car?

FINALLY somebody tells me what happened on Gravity. I kept asking people, "Do they make it?" because I had no intention of actually watching the movie. Poor George.

Argh! Head lice. We went through that too. It makes my head itch just thinking about it.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that your grasses survive. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and stay warm.

Christine B. said...
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Hi everyone, Thanks for leaving a comment. Stupid blogspot won't let me reply individually, so:

@Lisa,
Plenty of snow. And it just turned to ice with the rain we've been having. Skating is fun, but not in a vehicle.

@Sue Garrett,
Next time I am in Florida, I will buy at least three tickets. Or even better, make my sister that is lucky and wins lots of contests fill out my tickets.

@Tara Dillard,
I have two choices, laugh or cry. With age, I find I am chosing to laugh more.

@GRACE PETERSON,
Thanks for the well wishes. I am wearing a down coat in the house and feel pretty warm. On my Christmas list, a cashmere hat....

CB

Marguerite said...
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I'm late late late to reply, been off wondering away from blogland BUT had to say yah for lotteries! (even when the winnings are small it's the sheer joy of winning that delights me) but boo for lice. Like, holy crap gross boo. Hopefully December was a little kinder to you. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

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